Some Snippets of Life

Summer as started, although you probably wouldn’t be able to tell from all the rain. I’m still finishing a few things up for school, but I’m pretty much done. I’m really having a hard time buckling down and doing it, but I know I need to. Maybe I should get out my trusty day planner. That always makes me finish things, or a list in general.

I’ve started working a little bit, which basically means I’m going to be blowing all my money on Pandora. Or not. I’m really going to try to save as much money as possible this summer. Last year I saved a lot, but I know I could be saving more. Especially what with me driving a moped this year instead of my gas guzzling truck. Seriously. As much as I love Ugly Truck, he loves his gas even more. Even if that means going to less movies this summer, but maybe I’ll just work those into my budget. I really do need to create a budget for myself… ugh.

I’ve decided that when I go to Bethel I’m really going to try and write on this blog a lot more. I really want to keep up with Ivory Giraffes, mainly because it’s fun. But I really want to write on here more as a personal blog. Without having to worry about anything, even if no one really reads it… except my mother. Hi Mama.

I’m really trying to get in as much fun time as possible over this summer. I want this to be one to remember. I want to have the best memories to bring with my to Indiana. Memories of Noey. And Tanner. And mostly Hunter. It’s going to be hard without those three. We’ve all been through so much together, and I don’t know what I’ll do without them. When I’m upset I can’t just make Tanner come over here and hang out. And I won’t be able to just plan a time to see Hunter and watch movies or stupid YouTube videos.

Oh, well. I just wanted to write here. Update a little. I know I’ve said all year that I wanted to write more on here and it just never really happened. But I’m going to write it down somewhere. Remember to do it.

 

P.S. That’s my lifelong buddy, Ben, at his graduation! He’s another one that I’ll miss once I’m gone. Although we don’t see each other often anymore, he’s one person who will always remain in my heart no matter what. We’ve been through a lot, him & I, and I couldn’t ask for a better lifetime friend. We might not always get along, and sometimes we drift, but we always find our way back together. Whether it be after six years, or two months. Congratulations Ben, on being awesome. On graduating from high school.  On being the person that you are even after all the stuff that you’ve had to go through. We’re an odd pair, but it’s comforting to know that even after everything you and I haven’t really changed.

On Living

It’s funny (in a totally not funny way) how time completely flies by. Yesterday was my birthday. My eighteenth birthday. Yesterday was also the two year anniversary of my Daddy’s death.
As I was writing on my other blog, I try not to be a whiner. I try not to boo-hoo about my life and the many things that are not so great about it. But I’m trying to embrace it. Embracing my life how it is. Because I can’t change it, so I might as well deal with it. Which doesn’t mean I have to like it, it just means that I’m accepting my life as it is. As my life story. I don’t pretend that my story is all that inspiring, or that wonderful to hear about. But it is my life. I’m just your average girl who gets in some iffy situations. Who runs into barbed wire fences, who runs out of gas with her truck going up hills. I’m the girl who’s moped just randomly stops while driving and she has to push it for a mile before someone stops to tell her. But, I’m also the girl who gets to watch beautiful sunsets on her front porch. The one who’s boyfriend lets her cuddle with him even when it’s 90 degrees out. I’m the one who gets accepted into the only college she applied to, and then gets multiple scholarships from said school and gets randomly picked for free textbooks for an entire semester.
Life is so imperfectly perfect and I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t have it any other way. There are so many things like I’d love to make perfect that aren’t. But I am trying to accept the imperfections. I want to make my life story a good one. I want to do great things. To help people, and inspire. I want to make music, and bring people joy. I want to make the most of every day, even if it’s a sucky one. I want to have more good days than bad, or at least find something great in the bad days.

I’ve been slac…

I’ve been slacking over here, it’s true. But life has gotten in the way, and sometimes I find myself just having to go with the flow and forget about writing it all down. I’d much rather be writing it, though, so as not to forget. So what exactly has happened in the past few weeks?

I got my music scholarship from Bethel! Totally exciting, but also nerve wracking. It really brings the whole thing into focus more. That I’m actually going to be attending college in the fall. That everything is lined up for me to be there. 

I went down to Bethel (again) to watch my cousin Casie graduate. Oddly enough after I was down there I really realized that this is where I’m going to be living. That this place is going to be my new home in a few months. I started having second thoughts, and wondering about if this was really the place that I was supposed to be. After I saw Casie walk down that aisle, and receive her diploma, I knew. That’s where I want to be. Even if it’s six hours away from home. Even if it means I won’t be able to have all the fun I’ve had all my life here. Even if it means being away from Hunter, and Noey, and home. 

Then, this morning I got a lovely e-mail from the Bethel Admission’s office saying that I won free (FREE!) textbooks for the fall semester! It seems like everything is falling in place for me to leave, and it really is terrifying. But I’m so excited.

With May upon us now I can’t believe that I’m about to turn eighteen. And that it will be two years since Daddy died. 

With everything I can only say one thing:
Time really does fly by, and I wish I could slow it all down. Time just keeps escaping from me. But it makes me cherish everything… 

I’ve Got My Toes in the Water

I sit in this huge bed, kissed by the sun, and waiting for my next adventure to start in a few minutes. I’m in Florida and the sun is making me one happy girl. But, as much as I love this warm weather and abundance of sunshine, I cannot say that Disney is the happiest place on earth. Rather, Bliss is. I miss my home, and my lake, and my people. I cannot help but thinking that if I miss home so much after just a week how much I will miss it while being away at college.

I have roughly a month left of my high school career. Less than a month. I can’t believe it. I do not feel as if I’m old enough to be on my own, yet I feel an overwhelming knowledge that I indeed am. I am nervous, yet peaceful. I know that I’m going to be fine… as long as I can continue to keep my FaceTime up for when I need a taste of home.

I’ve got a cold Coca-Cola in my head, and a song in my head (one I probably shouldn’t mention because of the abundance of one naughty word) ready to face the world.

List of Happiness

Sometimes life can be so beautiful, even amidst darkness and suffering. Some days I look around me and see horribleness.

Lately I’ve just been sad. Don’t even ask me why. It’s just when I get to thinking about things a lot, my mind knows no bounds and travels into places I try to forget. Images that I push into the back of mind all of a sudden pop up and I start dwelling on them. It’s an all-around bad thing.

In the midst of my sad days, I was browsing Tumblr. And sometimes I’ve found that I can find things on Tumblr when I’m in a certain mood that are perfect for the situation going on in my life. And I found this one saying. And I thought about it… and I’ve been better ever since.

“You have so many reasons to be happy.”

It’s so simple. But it really spoke to me.

Sure I have some reasons to be sad, I have every right to feel hurt and alone and lost. I shouldn’t try and hide my feelings, and it’s completely okay for me to be sad. But I also need to remember that I have so many reasons to be happy.

So here are my reasons for being happy the past couple of days:
There’s been so much sunshine, and it’s beautiful.
I’ve been able to read some really good books, and I’ve loved all of them.
I’m nearing the end of my senior year.
I’ve been breathing.
I can see. Like, seriously. To me this is a big deal.
I got to see Hunter two days in a row, even if it wasn’t for a super long time.
My mini-breakout I had going on a couple weeks ago has finally disappeared.

Tags: love, nature, outdoors, relationships

Musings.

If I look back and agree with everything I once wrote, something is wrong with the picture. For if in all these months I haven’t grown, something needs to change.

 

New Requirements.

Let’s set the stage:

It is Tuesday morning, roughly 10 o’clock. I am still in bed, well, because I can be. My mother walks in the room, tells me Bethel is on the line. I answer the phone and say hello. They’re calling to confirm my audition, am I still coming? Why of course, I reply. Any questions, they ask? What do I need to bring with me, I ask in return. Oh, your two pieces and…

Two pieces? Two pieces?!? 

I’ve been working on one piece for months, because that is what they told me I needed. And now, three days before my audition, they’re telling me I need another song! Goodness, gracious, me-oh-my! So here I am, practicing another song and trying to perfect it before Friday at 3:00.